Friday, February 15, 2008

Ways to end the upcoming recession




In addition to my many jobs as a soccer referee, professional pain in the ass, paperboy, professional pain in the ass, Cold Stone Creamery man (Free ice cream on your birthday!!!), professional pain in the ass, camp counselor, professional pain in the ass, customer service representative, professional pain in the ass, day-care worker, and professional pain in the ass, I am an amatuer economist. Truthfully, aside from a few economics classes in college, I really do not know much about fiscal and monetary policy. I am happy that George W. Bush signed a bill that will put an extra $600 into my pocket, but I am a little skeptical and not entirely sure that giving all people an extra $600 truly stimulates an economy. That said I have a few suggestions on how we can avoid the upcoming recession.



















1. Mandate to all gasoline companies that they cut gasoline by $.50 a gallon. Am I the only person in this world who has seen that gas companies like Exxon are raking in unprecedented profits and the little guy(s) are suffering. You can still profit and put money back into our pockets.

2. Can we please stop rising prices at the grocery store. For crying out loud I want those extra 2 oz of yogart from Giant.

3. The government should really spend more money on real things. Maybe provide government to jobs to the people. I know a not so-strong bridge in Pittsburgh that could use some work. There are surely numerous potholes that need to be filled or parks that need to be built by the people for the people. Even if it is part-time or seasonal the feds could provide a significant number of jobs and the unemployed people can earn some wages. The government and people are getting something instead of "giving" us $600 and hoping that we spend it.

4. Give all Americans a free rubics cube. I love the 80s.

5. Create a new National Holiday and force people to buy candy and hallmark cards. Teddy bears are optional. I think Matt Groening had this idea so I really can't take credit for this, but seriously it is a long drought to go from President's day to Memorial day without a day off. We can call this new holiday "Mystery Man Day" and force people to go on a crazy scavenger hunt at the mall or a retail district. We could also just enact some crazy legislation on earth day that forces businesses to have a sale.

6. Have a national tax free day. Maybe we can have one a week until we are out of a recession. Not all states have a state sales tax, but hey it still would encourage spending, particularly on big ticket items

7. Have a tax free month for any product made in America.

8. Consume insane amounts of Apples, Berries, Cherries, Nuts and grapes. (I don't know what the purpose of that is, but it is an old camp song)

I have any additional suggestions, but yours are welcome.

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