To Fart or Not To Fart... That is the Question

So youth sports in this country is a bit over the top. Parents spend thousands of dollars so their kids can play on "elite" teams in hopes of getting their kids a full ride to college. Needless to say it really doesn't happen that way.

So yesterday I was reffing some soccer games. It is sad to say, but there are certainly a number of parents who are more competitve then the kids. Yes everybody wants a winner, but is this one parent a little over the top in demanding that her son, the goalkeeper have a shut out to "get his XBox back" a little much?

As a referee I hear constant bickering about calls from the sideline. When the kids aren't complaining this should tell you something. Running as a linesman I also hear the snide comments directed at me as well. Some are subtle others are more direct. "Hey do you have a brother that works at soccer facility" as others are laughing. Others just want to know the time or score. I'd love to answer pay attention to the game or buy your own damn stopwatch, as the true professional I am, I don't respond to any questions a spectator on the sidelines has to say or even ask.

After hearing this bickering and annoying questions all day I am tired of it. I am thinking in the back of my head, what can I do to shut these people up? Shortly there after, I feel that bubble in my stomach, and the gas is ready to go. Now I have to think quickly. Do I let it rip or hold it?

Threre are so many things to consider, so let me ask you, the audience, what would you do if you want someone to get away from you quickly? I mean these are people I never expect to see again. Is farting in front of them a good way to get rid of them? What if it is not a smelly fart? What if it is? Do I really want to be remembered as a referee? They say the best referee is the one you don't notice. Do I really want to be remembered at "Farty the referee"? Please let me. know